I know we are a few months away from 2018, but its never too late to make changes! One of the things I have always struggled with is being an empath. It always left me feeling like “Why don’t people care about me as much as I care about them?”. I was that kid at school that brought everyone individually signed Valentine’s and then came home with one. Classic. Before I go further, if you don’t know an empath is….see below –
That basically means I can see through your shit, but I am inclined to help you anyway as that is my nature. Now that we got that out of the way, lemme tell you what grinds my gears. People that know they have a caring person in their life, that will do anything to help them out of a tough spot and then abuse that. You know the kind, fellow empaths. That kind that only call you to talk about themselves, that expect you to make them feel better and pick up their slack. The kind that expects you to come to each and every single event they throw but are never around for your big moments. God forbid you should ask them to do something for you though….woahhh nelly! They will come up with 100 excuses why “ain’t nobody got time for that”.
I used to get pretty salty about this type of person, though I kept attracting them into my life. It made it hard to trust people and make friends, and eventually I just swept everyone under the “takers” umbrella. (Insert Big Sean song “IDFWU” here). That left me feeling pretty bitter and devoid of good, active relationships so I took another look at how to deal with this type of foolishness.
I have come to realize that not everyone is like this, first of all. There are people who understand what it means to have reciprocity, community, friendship. I now choose to focus on the type of relationships I desire and for the most part that’s what comes my way. But as for those pesky energy drainers that are still left lurking around in my life from old vibrations…..ya’ll are about to go too.
The first and most important thing is to recognize the people in your life that drain you of energy. Kindly separating from them is the second step! If you’re not sure how to spot these type of folks ask yourself:
- Am I the one in our relationship/friendship always doing favors?
- Am I their personal sounding board?
- Do I feel fulfilled in the relationship?
- How do you feel after talking to them – uplifted or drained?
If those answers don’t sound good to you, you might need to lessen those friend dates a little. Even if it is someone in your family, talk to them about it, in the effort of improving the relationshp. If they can’t receive it with love….peace out anyway. Your mental clarity and peace is what is most important in your life – without it you can’t do shit!
The really key thing to remember though, is that you don’t have to be mad at that person, or hold a grudge. They are simply being themselves, which is all they know how to do. They don’t know how to be the self you want them to be! So, don’t bother being angry or petty…move on and make peace with it.
Ladies, this is true of men as well. If you feel you are being used….you probably are. That doesn’t mean you have to get bitter and key his car. (Although, you could…hehehe). It just means you need to have enough self respect to move forward. Don’t let it could your mind into thinking all men are dogs, just come up with the type of partner you would like and at the top of that list, put “Reciprocity!”
In summary, if someone is draining all of your energy, it might be time to slide them to the curb. For real. Always remember:
Don’t Cross oceans for people that would not jump puddles for you
If you need some help or insight on how to deal with “energy vampires” give this book a spin by Linda Swindling! – https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Complainers-Energy-Drainers-Negotiate/dp/111849296X