We all know the phrase “I got it from my mama” – it’s usually used for positive assets like curves, smiles and good habits. Sometimes though, we blame our parents (specifically our moms) for our shittier qualities, and our current emotional state.
I have a mom that is a strong, fierce warrior. I’ve watched her picket, protest, be a single mom, work two jobs and claw her way up the corporate ladder. She taught me to read the fine print, speak up for myself and be a lady (unless someone messes with you).
While she has many amazing qualities….she also has a lot that I don’t love. We bumped heads over the years, and the crazy things I saw in my childhood (and adulthood honestly) left me a little bitter towards her.
Over the past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself to heal from old wounds that stand in the way of my happiness. One of them was my relationship with my mother.
I came to the conclusion, after a lot of soul searching and some good episodes of Iyanla Fix My Life that I have to look at my mother two ways – as a mom but also as a woman. What made her how she is? Who is she really? What do I like or dislike about her? Further, despite her traits as a woman how was she as a mother?
I realized that she became the woman she did because of what she went through. The more I considered her story, I could understand how she got to be the woman I know. Once I separated the two I realized that while I may contend with the woman from time to time, my mother did an awesome job.
This perspective allows me to love and accept her for giving me life, and nurturing that life. I can love her for teaching me the right things and making sure I came up to be a bright young woman. Taking a step back, I feel lighter and more at peace this way.
If you have struggled with your mom in any way, I encourage you to accept her to set yourself free! Your peace is the most important thing and truly as adults our parents have competed their job. It is now on us to accept that which we can’t change to be whole and happy!